My Name

In the second grade, without my parents knowing, I began introducing myself without the first part of my name. “Eun” was a difficult sound for my American teachers to pronounce, and my classmates deliberately pronounced “Eun” in unsavory ways that made me want to shorten my name. Though Eun Soo was quite un-American, Soo sounded a lot like Claire or Emily. When my parents wondered why my name was shortened on that year’s report card, I had to explain what was happening at school.

Hate crimes against Asian people increased significantly during the pandemic. They uncovered the hidden stories of Anti-Asian hate that Asian Americans had been experiencing for years in the United States. The reports pushed me to think more about my Asian American identity and how to embrace my Korean culture. When I learned that Eun stood for grace, an essential part of the whole meaning behind my name, I realized I had made a mistake in changing my preferred name to something that sounded more American to fit in and not be made fun of.

Now knowing what my full name means, I am proud of it. Part of it may be difficult to pronounce, and I may be bullied for it, but that should not be an excuse to conceal who I am. No one should be allowed to decide my name for me or pronounce it in a degrading or derisive way. Even if it sounds more Asian, I will gladly embrace my identity and no longer run away from it.